The Heartache that Accompanies the Love for a Demon
by SoundlessSlumber
Summary: They cannot be bound by Demon Law, but that doesnt mean that they cant have a secret romance within the walls of the Western Palace. Sesshomaru x Rin.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One.**

I couldn't help but watch with an anguishing ache in my chest, as the love of my life married a woman who wasn't me.

She was beautiful, her long, white tendrils pulled back from her face to flow like a river down the back of her kimono. His hair, his beautiful silver tresses that I loved running my hands through pulled up into a tie, just like how he told me his father, the late Lord Inu Taisho, wore his hair. It was an Inu tradition to keep their hair long.

His mother, the woman who brought my soul back from the underworld, stood before them, completing the ceremony, bringing the two Inu clans together – the West and the East. Hira was the beautiful daughter of the Eastern Inu Lord, and bringing the East great honour and serenity marrying my Lord- Lord Sesshomaru.

Over the past few weeks I had been able to be around her, and for a demon there was nothing that appeared sinister. She was always wearing a smile, gentle and warm. Nothing like Lord Sesshomaru. She reminded me of… myself?

It seemed like fate would always hold my life and give it a twist that always had me in shambles. I, a 22 year old female who had never been married, or carried a child yet, was watching everyone around me move forward with their life.

Kagome and Sango, when I was 17 had noticed and told me when Lord Sesshomaru came back for me, that I should stay in the village, that he would break my heart. But did I listen to them? No. Should I have? Yes.

But my heart could not help the attachment I had to my lord, wanting to be near him at all times. Wanting to make him happy even though he did not show it outwrdly. I knew that through the gestures he would show me, that he was pleased, he was happy. And I, I was happy with just that.

I loved him. I loved him with all my heart, and it was true what the villagers said about me. My heart was taken by a demon. A demon that had saved me, and had given me more to life than just being alive. I loved him, but now, now I would truly never get to tell him, to have a chance if he would allow it.

His mother had a major part in the ceremony that was taking place at this moment. She had pushed for the engagement, but I know that he had warmed up to Hira. He had enjoyed her company like he did with me.

Now instead of me sitting in the garden with his head on my lap, it was Hira. The first day Sesshomaru had ever laid his head in my lap and closed his eyes, was the day I thought my heart would burst from my chest. I followed him on his routes between different clans, silently standing there with him. Always close by, but now, I was replaced with a demoness who would possibly if not already, hold his heart.

The last five years had been wonderful, but now I would be abandoned. This time, it almost seemed to hurt worse than when my family had been killed.

Watching Lord Sesshomaru and Hira, they were now at the part of the traditional Ceremony, where Sesshomaru would lift her red veil, and silently kiss the middle of her forehead, where the crest of the Sun sat on Hira. While their power surrounded them and bonded.

Lifting her veil, I swallowed watching this play out in front of me, my chest aching as though someone had driven a sword through me.

"Jaken-sama…." Whispering, I tapped the imp who I had also followed my whole life.

"Shh girl, what is it." Not breaking his intense gaze at his master, his happiness flooding from around him. How could he be so happy..

"I will head back to my room now, I am afraid I am not well." With a quick nod and his attention back towards the platform, I quickly slipped out of the crowd that was watching the ceremony held in front. I could not watch him bind himself to another.

Walking away I was sure I had been unnoticed, but little did I know that as my figure retreated, golden orbs gazed in my direction..

.

Practically sprinting now, I could not help the tears that fell from my eyes. My eyes full like an oasis, deep with emotion.

Clenching my teeth I could not muffle my sobs enough into my kimono sleeve. I was heartbroken, and it was the most ridiculous things to be so as I knew that he as a powerful demon, who despised humans, and would never give his heart to one. No matter who I was, his pride was larger than his emotions and it was Lord Sesshomaru. I already knew I had no hope, no chance but it didn't mean it didn't hurt any less.

Shuffling into my extravagant room, I closed my door, walking to the westernized bed that had a full canopy hanging over it.

Sitting on the edge I remember coming here when I was 17. Climbing onto the bed, tucking myself into a ball, I remembered the happiest day when he brought me back…

" _Rin, this shall be your room. Lord Sesshomaru is at the end of this hall." Jaken pronounced looking up at me. "Go on girl, look inside. When the Western Palace was done, we had it filled with foreign items, the design matching that of the westerners." Opening the door, I couldn't help but gasp at the beautiful items before me._

 _My room crisp and clean, my sleeping arrangement magnificent. It made me want to…jump on it._

 _Running over to what Jaken called a "bed and canopy" I could feel its plush top under my toes, springs in it raising my body over and over. Laughing I could not help but feel like someone was watching and as I turned around I could see the tall figure standing in my entry way._

" _Lord Sesshomaru! Arigato!"_

 _Smiling, I climbed down carefully running over. "I assume the room is to your liking?" He asked waiting for my acknowledgement._

" _I love it my Lord. Thank you, Rin does not deserve this kind of treatment." Suddenly his hand cupped my cheek._

" _Rin deserves this, and whatever else this Sesshomaru can give you." It was the first time my heart had skipped a beat, and a blush had covered my face due to his forwardness. As a 17 year old girl, I suddenly realised what the emotions I had been feeling were, what Kagome and Sango had explained to me._

.

I wish that life could have stayed how it was. That it was I that was binding my life to Sesshomaru. That it was I who would carry his heir(s) to his empire. Who he would hold, and be affectionate with. Why had fate made me a human who could not be with him? Why did Hira get to have him.

I could feel the anger rising in me, but, that was truly not who I was. Was I a bitter person now? Jealousy infested- like a festering wound? Disgraceful. Turning over on my back, staring towards the ceiling, where the fabrics fell from. Closing my eyes, I could not help but let the exhaustion overcome me. " _Lord Sesshomaru…."_

.

When my eyes decided to lift, they felt sore. Sore from the crying, but it was the darkness that caught my attention more. Had I slept for more than a day? Why was it dark out when I had fallen asleep? What had woken me in the middle of the night? It was then I realised, my body had been covered with the quilted blanket at some point. Maybe Jaken? Or Koya perhaps?

Looking over at the corner of my room though, two golden eyes looked back at me. "Lord Sesshomaru?" I couldn't help how my heart raced, not only in fear but confusion about why he was standing in my room, his arms crossed across his chest.

"Rin." In a quick movement, he stood beside my bed. Through the moonlight shining through my window, I could tell his hair had been let down and he wore a Black and Gold designed Haori and black Hakama. _What he wore today with Hira…_

"My lord, what brings you to my room so late at night. I feel as though your festivities are still going on by the lights that come from outside still." It was true I could see the light and shadow illuminating now that my eyes had adjusted.

"Rin, are you alright? Jaken did not know where you had gone. Are you well?" He asked, his eyes glowing in the darkness, warming my chest. Looking away I could not help but fiddle with the fabric.

"I am well my Lord, please don't worry about me.."

" _Rin_." The way he said my name… "Why do you lie to this Sesshomaru? Have I displeased you." Why was he so worried about what had displeased me?

"My Lord, I was just tired, I needed rest." Giving him a small smile, I could tell I had not convinced him.

"You were crying, not only could I smell your tears, but while you slept you seemed ..restless." His authoritative voice covering me. I could not help but let tears escape my eyes once more. Quickly bringing my kimono's sleeves to hide my eyes, I could feel the edge of my bed fill with the weight of Lord Sesshomaru, and soon his hand was cupping my cheek, pushing my hands away. A sign of affection he had come to do over the years whenever I was sad, or he was showing emotion.

"Why do you cry?" He asked, his eyes seemingly searching my own for an answer, and before I could repress the words, they were there slipping through my lips.

"Because, Rin _loves_ this Sesshomaru."

 **TBC.**

 **I have had this idea floating around for a while, and I should update my other stories which im trying but when you have an idea its hard to let it escape. I am a college student so my uploading is sporadic and Im sorry im hoping that end of march will allow me to update regularly.**

 **Soundless Slumber**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two.**

Like placing his finger too close to the fire, he recoiled. His hand was gone from my face in an instant and the proximity of his body was in absence. The spicy, yet musky smell gone from my nose as I watched him stand beside my bed. Even though he was technically so close, the loss was intolerable and knowing I had caused that, made me feel ten times the amount of pain.

Tears, they were quite salty weren't they. Closing my eyes, I felt them dripping off my chin, hitting the blanket beneath them. His voice spoke, it was so quiet I barely heard him. He seemed to be in pain when it came through. "Why" He whispered.

Looking up at him, I ungraciously flipped the covers off me, and swung my dishevelled legs over the edge and stood up in front of him, releasing all that I had saved for years.

"I love you Sesshomaru-sama, so much it hurts." I just wanted to be closer but it seemed every step closer I took, he took one step back.

"I love you, because you gave me more than just a life. You gave me freedom, you gave me adventure and safety. More than I could have ever wished for.

You constantly saved me, looked over me. You did what was best for me when you left me in the care of Lady Kaede and Kagome. You lavish me in gifts but besides the materialistic things you have given me, you have shown me what it feels like to feel wanted, _needed._ And over the years, you have let me in to your mind, your emotions and every little thing you do has made my heart beat faster."

Reaching for his hand, surprisingly he allowed me to grasp it, and although it was probably the most indecent thing an unmarried woman, with a married man, a Lord no less, I placed his hand over my left breast, letting him feel my heart beat.

"Only you make my heart flutter, only you are the one who can have my heart, _my love_ …" I whispered, clutching onto his hand so hard that I felt as though if he were a human, it would break under pressure.

The darkness told me he had closed his eyes, and I could hear the ragged breath he inhaled. Once more, he slowly slipped his hand from mine, but with such a gentleness. But he still let go once more.

Thinking that this was it,that I had just made myself out to be a foolish girl, a foolish human, I slowly turned my body so that I faced away, too embarrassed to let him see more tears cascade down my face.

What felt like eons later, his voice surrounded me in the quiet room. "It is pathetic." My heart constricted but I listened.

"It is pathetic, for you to love me. But it is pathetic of I a DEMON… to love you Rin." Wide eyes, I could feel myself trying to process his words. This was most unexpected, and surpassed what I could have ever wished for.

"Leaving you behind in that human village had made me anxious, for your safety, for your well-being. But I would never had admitted that to anyone." I could hear his sigh escape him.

"I guess I truly am my father all over again." Turning around, I was face to face with him, and there he stood wrapping his arms around me, bringing me to him.

" I thought that if I married Hira, I would not become my father, that I would surpass him in power. I made a vow that I would not let any human, especially a human be my demise but look at me." I could not help but cry more into his chest, holding onto him for dear life.

"It makes me so happy to hear that you love me my Lord. Truly, it makes me heart so warm. But I am afraid it is too late.." With a sad smile I looked up at him, and through the darkness I could see the confusion swim through his eyes.

"What do you mean Rin?" I shook my head.

"You are married to the Princess of the East now, Princess Hira who has such a gentle soul, so compassionate and has never showed me hatred. You cannot hurt her my Lord. She is a woman with feelings, and I will not let them be jeopardized." It hurt to say it, but I could never hurt her like that when she did not deserve it.

"Hnn. I am a Lord of power, whatever I say will be. If I decide to take you Rin as a mate, then she will have to oblige to that. She is a demoness who will be able to help rule my empire, and keep the treaty between East and West comfortable and allied." The intensity of his stare was too much.

"My lord, will you have her carry your children?" I could not help but ask even though I knew the answer.

"Of course. It would be a part of her duty to carry my child." But it was then he realised that my feelings were swimming around in pain, knowing he would bed another.

"Rin, I apologize." Hugging him closer to me, I inhaled his scent calming myself. I knew he would have a duty to lay with Hira and produce an heir but it still hurt. Slowly he released me looking back out the window briefly.

"You should head back my Lord. We can talk tomorrow, Hira and everyone must be wondering where you have run off too. I don't want anyone to find you here in my room. As I am 22 now, it would look improper, but there is one thing I would like to ask If you may consider.." Biting my lip the silence urged me to continue.

"I think it would be best for me to leave the Palace Sesshomaru-sama." His golden orbs staring at me through the dark held such an intensity.

Abruptly he turned around and headed to my door, but before he fully left he turned his head and spoke his last words to me of the night.

"I will absolutely not consider that request. I, Sesshomaru of the West, forbid you to leave this palace." Feeling that intensity flare from him very briefly, I watched him almost storm the rest of the way out of my room. Tonight had been very different then I had initially pictured it.

.

Right after my Lord had left quickly, I had crawled back into my bed, laid back down and drifted back into my sleep, thinking about how the events had unfolded in front of me. My Lord had looked at me and told me he loved me. But my heart also clenched at the thought that we had both waited too long before confessing.

Hira, now Lady Hira of the West – I could not hurt her, and that was where my question to leave had risen from. She was gentle and undeserving of infidelity.

When the morning came, I had felt refreshed although my sleep had been interrupted. I felt a sense of happiness overcome me. But there was still apart of my mind nagging at me, but that had to be because of the guilt that I still carried with me.

I did not know what today would bring, but I would be mindful of my standing in Lord Sesshomarus palace, as his ward and nothing more.

Swinging my legs over the grand bed, I could not help but have a chill run down my spine. The colder morning air tickling my bare feet as it swept through my room. A knock sounded on my door bringing my attention behind me.

"Ms. Rin, I have arrived to help you change for today." Smiling, I walked rather fast to open my door.

"Good Morning! Koya-chan!" Letting her into my rooms I grabbed her hand, leading her to my Kimonos. Today I would wear something beautiful. Every once in a while I would wear an extravagant kimono around the Palace, knowing that they just sat folded waiting to be shown.

"Koya-chan please, can you help me into this Kimono." Passing her the white and royal blue silk, her face bright as ever with a smile, she took it and nodded. "Of course Miss Rin."

"You look like you slept well Rin, but are you feeling well? Jaken told me that you had left early last night to retire because you were not feeling well?" Looking at Koya I had to think of an excuse.

"Ah, yes I feel much better today, perhaps I ate a bit too much melon yesterday at the feast that had been prepared for breakfast." Giving a gentle smile she nodded, continuing to help me dress in the fine silk.

"What is your plan for the day Rin?"Thinking I couldn't help but want to wander into the gardens today. The sun was beautiful, and I did not want to be cooped up inside, where I was more likely to run into My Lord and - now – Lady Hira.

"I think today would be a good day to go sit under the cherry blossom tree and read. It is cool, but it will warm up, but first Koya-chan let us go eat. Now that I am feeling better, I am starving." Laughing Koya nodded, leading me out of my room.

Shutting the door behind me, I stepped forward to follow Koya when I heard her laughing.

Turning to my left, I could see Hira and Sesshomaru-sama, exit his chambers that had been purposely so close to mine. She was lightly laughing while he looked like he had a serene look to his face, but still stoic as blank as ever, the only way you could tell was the softness of his eyes. How I wished that it was me grasping onto his arm, having him escort me down to breakfast.

Putting on a smile though I waved to Hira, who noticed as well as Sesshomaru that I was standing there.

"Good Morning" bowing lightly as they walked by, Hira placed her hand on my cheek as she was closest to me. "Good Morning darling Rin – my you look so beautiful today. " Smiling at me she nodded to me and continued down the hall, Sesshomaru not saying a word, but the look he gave me as all I needed to know that he welcomed my presence.

Letting them walk ahead, I followed behind with Koya. Hearing her whisper about how beautiful they looked. While they looked beautiful, my heart pounded realising that she had walked out of his chambers this morning.

I may be a virgin, but dumb I was not and knew exactly what would have transpired last night. A faint blush overcoming my face at the very thought. But I was a young woman now, a woman who needed a companion as well.

Letting out a deep sigh, I smiled at Koya and her chatter about everything. She was refreshing and I would need her distraction more than ever now, especially with what my life would become now..

 **TBC.**

 **Thank you for reading, any grammar / spelling mistakes I am very sorry I have no beta so I hope it is not too bad. Please R &R.**

 **SoundlessSlumber**


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